I Discover That I Have a Doppleganger
There are two other offices on the same floor as [redacted]. One of them houses Quick Turn Luke (who I haven't seen in a while and who apparently has been replaced by The Evil Professor and Unfortunately Shaped Fat Guy). I also sometimes run into Nicotine Girl and her Maybe Gay Guy Friend.
Nicotine Girl (duh) smokes. A lot. Like, every time I head to the restroom, she and Maybe Gay Guy Friend are waiting at the elevator so she can get her fix. From what I can tell, Maybe Gay Guy Friend doesn't smoke. And now that I think about it, I bet that when they tell the story, she's all, "And then there's the guy on the floor I work on who's, like, always peeing. I think he has a bladder infection." But I totally don't. I just drink lots of water. So whatever, I see them a lot, and there's this weird...vibe between Maybe Gay Guy Friend and me. There's also this they're-totally-talking-about-me-in-the-elevator-on-the-way-down feeling, too. So: hello schizophrenia. But back to the vibe. I don't know if it's flirty or malicious, which is troubling since those are two emotions one would hopefully be able to differentiate; all I know is, there is one.
For a while, I had a Vandyke-ish thing going on with my facial hair, only without the moustache part; so I guess what I really had was an Amish Vandyke, only my pants all have zippers. But we're losing focus here. A couple of weeks ago, in an awkward grooming accident, I found myself sans Vandyke. It's not that I looked great with the Vandyke; however, I look considerably younger and my face more roundish without it.
Today, as I'm coming back from lunch with my friend Nancy and our boss The Ballsy Career Gal, I pass Nicotine Girl and Maybe Gay Guy Friend -- and he's got my facial hair. Which he didn't have before. And what makes the whole thing even weirder is that he and I had run into each other once in the men's room shortly after my facial hair disappeared, and I saw him do the tiniest of double takes.
And now? He's me -- from the past.
So how do I proceed? I mean, I can't necessarily say, "Hey, nice chin pubes," because we never had that relationship before he went all hirsute. But I also feel like there needs to be some acknowledgment of our dopplegangeresque role-reversal. Maybe I'll grow back only the left side of my facial hair, and I'll see what he does with that.
Yeah. That sounds like just the plan...
Nicotine Girl (duh) smokes. A lot. Like, every time I head to the restroom, she and Maybe Gay Guy Friend are waiting at the elevator so she can get her fix. From what I can tell, Maybe Gay Guy Friend doesn't smoke. And now that I think about it, I bet that when they tell the story, she's all, "And then there's the guy on the floor I work on who's, like, always peeing. I think he has a bladder infection." But I totally don't. I just drink lots of water. So whatever, I see them a lot, and there's this weird...vibe between Maybe Gay Guy Friend and me. There's also this they're-totally-talking-about-me-in-the-elevator-on-the-way-down feeling, too. So: hello schizophrenia. But back to the vibe. I don't know if it's flirty or malicious, which is troubling since those are two emotions one would hopefully be able to differentiate; all I know is, there is one.
For a while, I had a Vandyke-ish thing going on with my facial hair, only without the moustache part; so I guess what I really had was an Amish Vandyke, only my pants all have zippers. But we're losing focus here. A couple of weeks ago, in an awkward grooming accident, I found myself sans Vandyke. It's not that I looked great with the Vandyke; however, I look considerably younger and my face more roundish without it.
Today, as I'm coming back from lunch with my friend Nancy and our boss The Ballsy Career Gal, I pass Nicotine Girl and Maybe Gay Guy Friend -- and he's got my facial hair. Which he didn't have before. And what makes the whole thing even weirder is that he and I had run into each other once in the men's room shortly after my facial hair disappeared, and I saw him do the tiniest of double takes.
And now? He's me -- from the past.
So how do I proceed? I mean, I can't necessarily say, "Hey, nice chin pubes," because we never had that relationship before he went all hirsute. But I also feel like there needs to be some acknowledgment of our dopplegangeresque role-reversal. Maybe I'll grow back only the left side of my facial hair, and I'll see what he does with that.
Yeah. That sounds like just the plan...
posted by Mike at 4:15 PM
1 Comments:
I met yet another one of my dopplegangers this past weekend---I have many---and she kept coming up to me to ask if we had ever met before because I looked so familiar. It was all I could do not to shake her, "Of course, I look familiar. I'm your reflection!"
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