Dear Internet,

I'd like you to bring me a great job. A job where I'm paid well (but not too well; I don't want to appear greedy). A job where I get to write things I want to write and read things I'm interested in. I'd like to work with people who don't always comment disparagingly about the book I'm reading ("Oh look at Mr. Smartypants and his Jane Austen. Can I get you some teeeeea, Mr. Jane Austen Reader?"). I'd also like to work with people who are at least funny with the insults.

I'd like this job because I think I deserve this job. I mean, yeah, I dropped out of college; and sure, I don't have a degree of any kind, nor am I doing anything at all to rectify that situation. But come on Internet! Throw a self-educated, bookish, not-really-motivated-at-what-he's-doing homo a bone. Of the employment kind.

Oh, and something with one of those 401(k)s the kids these days are talking about. Turns out, I don't have one and I think I'll need it for when I get old next week and want to retire.

Yours truly,

Michael Bevel
Better Job Seeking British Adventuress